Monk Montgomery, and the Case of the Smelly Cabin

"My friend monk and I were on a plane once, and uhm--we were on a plane, we were flying back from some gig. It was just the two of us, and I can't remember if it was St. Louis or something, I can't remember where we were flying from. But we were flying back up here because it was in the middle the last album.

There was someone on the plane who--there must have been something wrong. They got sick or something, i don't know. And then it was a question of trying to find out who the guilty party was. Cause, we knew it wasn't either of us cause we know each other well enough we'd be like 'huhuhuh...it was me.'

So neither of us--it was just unbelievable. Usually in a plane you can, you know get away with it. But this was one of those things it was just so absolutely fucked up. And everyone on the plane was just, 'mmm...mmm..we paid for first class tickets! Mmm!'

Eventually Monk and I--we got those little hand wash things. There was a couple in front of us who had been sweating and looked as though they had a big night the night before. And Monk wanted to blame them, but i didn't want--it was far too obvious. Then there was this girl who was a little bit sloppy--but no you musn't jump to conclusions. I noticed when she sat down she spilt her drink on this well kept, well groomed woman next to her. So she spilt it on the woman next to her. Then I noticed that this well kept, well groomed business woman got up about 12 times to go to the bathroom.

It suddenly dawned on me, 'man she's been getting up to go to the toilet all the time, its non stop!' And she had the soda spilled on her so then you've got to conclude, you know when you're in a bad way--bad things happen to you. This is my theory.

So just the fact that the soda spilled on her at the beginning of the flight proves beyond a doubt that this well-kept business woman was cutting the cheese.

But we couldn't tell her. You know, but Monk took the chance to go: 'I'm going to kill you. Whoever's doing that, I'm going to kill you.' It wasn't too obvious, but he was speaking on my behalf too. It just was not right. I don't know why I told you all that.

There's no punch line. She had all the punch but none of the line."